Managing Holiday Triggers Like a Pro

The holiday season comes around like a perfect storm. Suddenly your everyday routine is filled with additional work, enjoyable work like wrapping presents and preparing for holiday parties. But the added stress can cause holiday triggers and if you don't know how to manage them, you may have a meltdown.

Let's explore how to manage holiday triggers like a pro so you can enjoy this season!

Why the Holidays Are a Perfect Storm

The holidays create the perfect conditions for being triggered:

• Nostalgia - We want happy memories and to honor traditions
• Pressure to perform - We want everyone to be happy
• Extra responsibilities - Holidays don't just happen; you have to make them happen
• Family dynamics - Families getting together for the first time in months or years
• Lost self-trust - You don't trust yourself to follow through

You trust yourself to brush your teeth. To pay bills. Not to go 180 kilometers on the highway. But do you trust yourself to make all those homemade Christmas presents? To get everything done today? Probably not. And that's okay.

The Plan vs. Reality

Imagine you're standing at point A and you have a vision for Christmas at point B. You draw a straight line with specific, direct steps. You've had experience executing things before.

But then life happens.Your husband just lost his job or maybe you need a new hip, or maybe you had a scare about breast cancer coming back.

We don't have contingencies for those plans.

So instead of following that straight line, we have highs and lows. We do pretty good, then go low. Stay on track, then crash. This is when we get the ice cream and eat the chocolates. We stay up really late craving carbs. We do pretty well, go up a little, then crash again.

When our highs are really high and our lows are really low, we don't trust ourselves. This is where we get the triggers.

The German Car Analogy

Imagine someone gives you a car from Germany, but there are no German mechanics anywhere close. It's really good quality, but you're told to take care of it and hope nothing goes wrong because no one can fix it.

Scary, right? Having this car you're always worried will break. And if it does, you can't use it anymore and it becomes useless.

That's how it is during the holidays. We hope everything's gonna go okay. We hope things don't get too derailed because we don't have that self-trust.

What Are Your Unique Patterns?

I'm curious about your unique pattern. If we don't look at our own patterns and just follow some diet or expert saying "here are the best stress hacks," it doesn't matter what other people say.

What do you do that you're not happy about during the holidays?

• Stay up late and get overtired?
• Overwork yourself then crash?
• Bake and eat constantly?
• Buy a lot of treats?
• Find yourself eating in the car?
• Look through the pantry at 3 PM?
• Scroll Pinterest looking at recipes?
• Make promises to be well-planned but don't follow through, so by December 22nd you're scrambling?

What Do You Do When Things Don't Go Your Way?

What are your typical coping strategies when you get a curveball? Chances are they're probably not super healthy because we weren't taught that.

Brené Brown talks about growing up fifth generation Texas where only two emotions were allowed: happy or ticked off. Research shows there are basically three acceptable emotions: happy, sad, mad.

But there are so many different emotions. The more you can allow all the emotions, the more resilience you create. When bad news comes, instead of your highs going really high and lows going really low, you can just process the emotion.

Ask yourself: What do you do when things are really bad?

• Scroll?
• Bake?
• People please?
• Shame yourself ("I'm not good enough")?
• Blame others?

Don't Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

Dr. Susan Jeffers wrote "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" and talked about how if your relationship is the most important thing in your life, then if something goes wrong with it, your life feels empty.

She suggested making your life more whole by dividing your energy across:

• Contribution
• Family
• Work
• Hobby
• Alone time
• Relationships
• Leisure
• Personal growth
• Friends

When you have more complexity, you're spreading out the joy of the holidays so it doesn't all fall in one place.

How many of us just turn to food? Food is old faithful, right? Think about popcorn at movie nights. Cake at birthdays. These memories are usually associated with happiness.

The Bare Minimum Christmas

One of my clients gets really into the details of planning – the minutia of everything. She gets overwhelmed and throws her hands in the air.

We talked it through and she realized: In order to have a wonderful holiday, she needs to be willing to feel all the feelings.

I asked her: What is your bare minimum Christmas?

She had to decide:

• Do I have to have my house decorated this much?
• Do I have to have stockings?
• Do I have to have three presents?

If you had three presents for three people and a Christmas tree up, that's your bare minimum Christmas.

Then I asked: What would happen if you just did that this week?

Talk about diffusing that perfect storm. When you have your bare minimum and work on that, everything else is gravy.

Tying It All Together

The more we're able to feel our feelings, the more emotionally regulated we'll be. Our nervous system won't be freaking out. It'll say, "Okay, I can feel this feeling. I can let it go."

A feeling is a wave. It's no problem.

But you also have to have your destination. If you don't have a clear vision of what you want your holidays to look like, you're adding pressure you don't need.

A Real Success Story

Last year at her guild's Christmas party, the food wasn't great. So one of my clients offered to make all the food this year. She spent two days preparing and serving a beautiful meal.

She didn't stress at all. Throughout the day, she'd realize, "I'm not even stressing about this."

Why? Because she's so familiar with her holiday triggers. She's familiar with what stress feels like, what overwhelm feels like. When she starts getting triggered, she says, "Oh no, I don't do that anymore. I don't have to stress. I've got my list. I know what I'm doing. I'm doing this because I want to, not to prove myself to anyone."

She even had one lady she was worried would judge her. That lady brought her a gift and thanked her for all she'd done.

When you finally understand what's going on in your brain and body, everything changes.

Manage Those Holiday Triggers

It isn't about having the perfect Christmas party or making the best homemade gifts. It's about deciding what sort of holiday season you want to have and making a plan to achieve that. Having a basic plan means you have a constant line of assurance you can go back to.

When something unexpected creeps up, you return to your plan and say "Okay this is the basic I want to achieve, we will make that happen, everything else is gravy!'

Knowing yourself and your triggers helps you in making this plan, and executing it. Don't let holiday triggers derail you. Handle them like a pro this season!

Want help making this plan? Grab my freebie: Prepare for Christmas with Calm Instead of Chaos

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Ready to understand your holiday triggers and stop the cycle of overeating, overspending, and overstressing? Join my coaching program where we work on recognizing these patterns and building healthy coping strategies. Learn more at DaraTomasson.com